trouble in paradise

i went on a trip to tennessee/florida a few weeks ago (see my regular blog) and it changed my life. i found what i've been so desperately missing and needing. a best friend. i got a taste of life. of what i want my life to be like. of the kind of person i want to be. that little taste changed everything. which confirmed nathan's fears. i'm now determined to make something for myself. it's very hard to sever and leave everybody intact. i'm walking a tightrope. pray i don't fall.

funk

sorry for the lack of blogging. i'll let you know what's going on when i know. everything's so messed up it doesn't even feel real.

snap dragon

i drank almost an entire bottle of wine last night. in 2 hours. when i say almost, i mean there's less than half a glass left in the bottle. nathan came home and we had an honest conversation i didn't want to have. there were many tears. i booked a flight to tennessee to see a friend. i'm going the last weekend in may. i can't wait. at this point i feel like i could run there. don't need an airplane.

all we need is love is a lie.
cause we had love but we still said goodbye.
-john mayer

deflated

it's been progressively getting worse.
i've been talking about leaving.
out loud.
why why why why why.
please let me get through this summer.