part two

we woke up tangled up. i was beyond thirsty so i told mark i needed a coke. we must have walked 2 miles to find one. it was hot and humid. i talked and never shut up, not for a second. he reached out for my hand. i was sure my heart was going to come shooting out my toes. but i tried to keep it cool. so we walked hand in hand to find a coke. we went to the beach to play in the sand and water. i underestimated the waves...they didn't look threatening, and i assured him i wasn't going to get my hair wet...had to stay cute, of course! i wasn't even up to my knees yet in the water, and the first wave took both of us down before we knew what happened. we came up sputtering and laughing. we sat down in the water and played with the sand, tossing it around and giggling. he suggested we try walking further into the water...he later admitted his intentions were not, as he said, to see how far we could go, but in the hopes he'd get to catch me when the waves knocked me back. he got his way.

for our last night in destin, we decided to order pizza and hang out on the broken boat. i must have spent an hour getting ready. i showed up in a strapless yellow sundress with a bottle of wine. we laughed, joked, cussed, and told stories. eventually mark and i walked to the end of one of the docks. we sat with our feet in the water and talked. there was no sense of time, i couldn't hear anything but my chattering or see anything but him. somehow i told him my entire story while he listened and asked questions. it was the first time in my life i was truly heard. we talked about our shitty relationships and how much we were regretting going "home". we never once shared our feelings for each other. i finished my bottle of shiraz, whispered a wish into the bottle, put the cork back on, and tossed it into the ocean.

even though we didn't sleep, the next morning came way too soon. we knew what it meant. we'd go our separate ways, and would never see each other again. we awkwardly hugged each other goodbye. he told me if i was ever back in tennessee to give him a shout. i weakly smiled, said goodbye to everyone else, and hopped in the car as fast as i could. the 6 hour drive back was miserable. i knew he was on the same highway going to the same place. we got to tennessee and headed to bed. my flight was early the next morning. on the way to the airport, my friend pointed at his exit and said that he was working today just a mile from where we were. my heart was aching, pulling me to where he was. but i ignored it. and went back to texas, to my little boys and my thankfully now ex-husband. guess how long that lasted?

part one

i don't remember much about that time,

just the smell of the air and your hand in mine
riding the strip, sittin' on my lap
in the back of the truck with the only friends I had

it was spring break, we were out late,
and i thought goodness for heavens sake when i saw you
and then I kissed you...
on a balcony over the sun
in a chair by the rail, high above everyone
we made love as the waves rolled in
and we owned that town for one weekend

like the tan on my skin, our names in the sand
like the sound of the boat
starting up, heading out of the bay
girl you faded away.

i still taste the shots on your lips that night,
and the smoke from the club still burns my eyes
feel of your body takin' off your dress,
waking up that morning in a tangled mess.
so if i'd have known, i'da held on
a little bit longer and stronger with nothing to lose,
cause i still see you...

on a balcony over the sun
in a chair by the rail, high above everyone
we made love as the waves rolled in
and we owned that town for one weekend.
i watched you drive through the gate
without saying the words i needed to say.

like the tan on my skin, our names in the sand
like the tears on your face
and the sun going down that day
girl you... faded away
you faded away
-faded away ((luke bryan))

ever almost lose the one thing you could never bear to lose? i almost did. but i didn't. last weekend was just a clusterfuck. it's had me reflecting on what really is important in my life. my priorities. remembering that mark is my number one. if we're not good, the family isn't good. he saves me every day.

part one.

i was sitting in my usual spot...in front of the computer listening to music, dreaming of another life, and reading blogs. of course, i had my bottle of wine right next to me. the nights he was gone, which were most of them, i didn't bother with a glass. i was on facebook and started up a chat with a friend i'd met during my semester at lipscomb in nashville 4 years earlier. we hadn't kept in touch much at all, but that night we poured our hearts out to each other. she suggested i get a plane ticket and come see her for a weekend in tennessee. i bought the ticket, then later that night i told him i was going.

i made it to tennessee, and she was planning on heading to destin that weekend with a group of firefighters. the plan was to lay on the beach all day, then party with them at night. i extended my ticket another 4 days. so desperate for something, anything. she her firefighter buddy worked together and decided mark and i might be a good match for the weekend. i went along with it one, because i was miserable, and two, because i'd seen his picture and i'm not a stupid woman. it was supposed to be a fling. nothing more than a good weekend.

then their boat broke.

that night we went to eat at a restaurant on the coast, then to a crowded bar in the city. he made me laugh harder than i'd laughed in years. it was awkwardly wonderful. i felt like a middle schooler and tripped over myself every time he looked at me. he grabbed my hand and led me through the bar, which was our first physical contact. (except when we first met. i got out of the car, and he hugged me. he said he did it to keep from falling over.) i whispered to my friend asking if she thought he liked me...she told her boyfriend, who, to my horror, loudly asked him if he thought i was cute. he said yes. i was a bumbling fool at this point.

the next morning we went for a drive looking for a waffle house. turns out there were 2 within a mile of our hotel room, but we were too starstruck to see them. so we ended up at chick fil a. we went to a mexican restaurant for lunch, drank margaritas, and then headed back to the broken boat. i hadn't been to the beach yet, so i was trying to persuade my friend to go with me. she didn't want to go, but mark said he'd go. (which was what i was hoping for anyway...) so we made it to the beach right at sunset. we walked out to the water and i chatted his ear off. telling him every story i'd ever heard. we people watched, but mainly just watched each other....
that night we got ready to go out, got in the truck, and i was trying to be a badass and drive the monster. (because i'm from texas and know how to drive a truck...?...ha) mark was next to me and next thing i know, i look over and he's on the ground on his back. all i see are his flip flops in the air. apparently he didn't realize the door was open and was trying to show off. he had to change. while i sat in the truck and giggled. we went to aj's which is a bar looking over the ocean. we drank and sang and danced. i asked him to show me where the bathrooms were, and so he came with me. once i came out, he was standing against the rail of a balcony over the water. i went to him, and he kissed me. i was sure i was in a movie. or dream. or something. it was unbelieveably surreal. we spent that night steaming up truck windows...which would have been romantic if it weren't for the van full of a family next to us that stayed there ALL NIGHT.

....part two coming up next...the rest of our first weekend together, then the whirlwind of a story we have after that. this man is my rock, my lover, my best friend.