darkness

my kids made me cry today. (but i didn't let them see) they just don't listen.
i was frustrated.mad.angry.
i wanted to walk out the door but i didn't. [that could be said for most days]
i want to scream.
i want to run.
running wouldn't be fast enough.
i want to fly.
how is this my life.

ring day

i've lost control of my emotions. i'm all over the map.

nathan gets his aggie ring tomorrow. (for those of you not familiar with texas a&m, this is a HUGE deal)

i'm happy for him and proud of him, but it just reminds me how stagnant i am in my dreams, goals, and life.

i bought 2 bottles of wine to get me through this weekend.

playing god

i can't make my own decisions

or make any with precision

well maybe you should tie me up

so i don't go where you don't want me

you say that i've been changing

that i'm not just simply aging

yeah how could that be logical

just keep on cramming ideas down my throat

you don't have to believe me

but the way i see it

next time you point a finger i might have to bend it back or break it, break it off

next time you point a finger, i'll point you to the mirror

if god's the game that you're playing

well then we must get more aquainted

because it has to be so lonely to be the only one who's holy

it's just my humble opinion but it's one that i believe in

you don't deserve a point of view if the only thing you see is you

you don't have to believe me

but the way i see it

next time you point a finger i might have to bend it back or break it off

next time you point a finger i'll point you to the mirror

this is the last second chance

i'm half as good as it gets

i'm on both sides of the fence

without a hint of regret

i'll hold you to it

playing god

paramore

anyone else hear me?

crumbling

here's what i need: a (AT LEAST) 3 month vacation away from kids, school, and this apartment. i'm being completely serious. i'd miss the kids, but not enough to not do it. i feel on the verge of running away when i think about another week of school. another week of kids. another week of nathan not being home ever. another week of not having any money. repeat. repeat. repeat. repeat. times 100. anyone feeling generous? anyone want to save a family, a marriage, and a soul? i gotta get out of here.