so apparently my thankfully ex-husband has dropped out of college (with only 6 years and well over $80,000 invested) ((or was kicked out because of failing grades)) (((or had a divine intervention...all are equally possible))) and is back in our home town living with his parents working at a grocery store and joining the marines as previously planned...except he's enlisting instead of going in as an officer. whoops. sad i missed out on that part of our "journey". oh and if that wasn't bad enough, he hasn't called his children in over a month. WHOOPS. ((although i will give him credit for that last phone call mid february which lasted 3 minutes and 24 seconds))
so don't judge me for not giving a shit about his dumb ass, and don't you dare judge me for loving that my children have a true father figure in their lives every.single.day. who loves them as his own, and unconditionally. but don't think we have EVER said anything negative about him to the boys. i actually enjoy how non existent he is from all of our lives. minus that measly check i get at some point every month. that helps a LOT.
ok pissy-dead-beat-dad-rant over.
onto more personal and bland things.
i've been doing a lot of gardening and crafts. i upped my meds, which has really balanced me out. i still have terribly vivid dreams/nightmares. some days i can't sleep, some i can't get enough sleep. some days i get a thousand things done, others i am useless and actually create more mess than i eliminate. getting outside helps a lot.
wow that really was bland. and difficult to write. because i'm trying to sound...normal? calm? i don't know.
i'm contemplating making my blog private again. not because i'm ashamed of who i am, and what i deal with, and not because i'm afraid of sharing my life. this is such a total outlet for me and i absolutely LOVE the support i get, and i truly do enjoy being challenged by the criticism as well. the grown-up-criticism that is. the messages calling me names and breathing fire at me are more comical than anything else. my favorites are the emails and messages telling me things about myself or my past that i never even knew! who would have known, better than me, why i chose to do what i did?! apparently there are a LOT of people who have lived my life instead of me, and like to fill me in on things i must have somehow missed. to my utter disappointment, they never do laundry.
meanwhile, i'm teaching my kids to ride bikes. i'm taking my puppy on walks. i'm loving my partner. i'm laughing, and completely enjoying my life. (they pretend all they see is the sex i have with horses on saturday nights (only for money to FEED MY KIDS for fucks sake), and the devil worshiping we do as a family every sunday afternoon, and the incredible amount of liquor, tattooing, and bondage we engage in, and consume weekly)
yall should see this shit. total carnage.
i mean seriously?! who wouldn't want this life :)
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I want to pinch your babies because they are all so stinking cute. Nothing like a good dance-a-thon to Train. :)
ReplyDeleteI want to request to be invited to view your blog if you make it private. My mom has bi-polar disorder, social anxiety disorder, and schizophrenia. She only began treatment about 10 years ago and by that time I had raised myself. But she is doing much better and has become an awesome grandmother to my daughter. Reading your blog has given me so much insight into my mother's daily struggles and helps me work on my relationship with her. You are such a strong person, Hilary! While I don't agree with your opinions on religion, I admire you for standing up for what you believe in. Many Christians do not do this!
ReplyDeleteDon't make your blog private- send some clowns my way- I will find fault with their crappy logic every time!! Judge not people! I find it interesting that most Christians think themselves too good to live the way that Christ actually did.
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