i'm in terrible shape. don't shake your head at me. i am. seriously. ok..maybe not terrible...but i can't say i'm in good shape. yesterday was my "audition" for bodystep and i made it through half the class...then in the middle of the 3rd track i was teaching, i seriously thought i was going to pass out. i was thinking, 'the director is going to have to call an ambulance and i won't be able to teach. ever. because i died.' i didn't realize how much more effort i'd have to exert just by talking. it probably didn't help that i was beyond nervous. oh well. i got through it...barely...and she gave a thumbs up and left. and....breathe. it's done.
i didn't work out at all today. it was nice. but i've got to do something to get my endurance up...help.
i'm nervous about bathing suit season. last year was my first year back in a bikini since i had babies. i probably made a few people gag in their throats. hopefully this year will be better. i'm working on it. my tummy and thighs are stubborn. bleh.
i think indoor tanning is stupid. it's the same as smoking cigarettes to me. cancer-inducing-completely-unhealthy...and everyone knows it by now. i did it before my wedding...i had about 5 sessions because i had bathing suit lines on my shoulders and my dress was strapless. i haven't done it since then, but i'm planning on having 2 or 3 (10 minute) sessions this spring right before summer. cringe. but i get really pale in the summer and i'm always self conscious the first few times i'm out in my suit. so i want to take the blinding glow off of my tummy before i go in public.
nathan's gonna flip.
why is my body image so poor? why are my standards set so high? i work out more to lose weight and tighten..things...that have fallen...than to be healthy. i know it's skewed. i'm so thankful i don't have a little girl. it's unreal to me the pressures that fall onto girls today....i only hope i can raise my boys to be respectful and to look inward. what a hard world these kids are growing up in. it's terrifying..all the responsibility that falls on us as parents. i feel like i don't know what i'm doing. i'm blessed with wonderfully sweet boys.
is there anything you would like to know about me? is there anything you'd like to hear my opinion on? any questions..about anything? if you've ever had a conversation with me you know i'm quite open. i've been wanting to devote a blog post to answering people's questions but i've been afraid to try because i'm afraid nobody will have any questions. so, humor me, and think of one. you can email me if you want and i can make it anonymous if you'd rather.
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I could have written this. exactly.
ReplyDeleteI basically went back and read all of the entries on here (Okay, I know that sounds stalker-ish... sorry.) It completely inspires me. Seriously, I'm in awe of how much courage you have. Many people in my family would probably shun me if they knew "the real me"... but they don't have a clue.
I'm glad you are sharing this... and I'll try and think of a question to ask soon!
I hope you don't go to the cancer box... my father forbade me to go to it when I was younger; however, I'm glad you're not smoking the cancer stick! Stay strong!
ReplyDeleteI have body issues coming out of the ying-yang. The grass always seems so much greener on the other side. I have gotten to the point to where I look at my body in terms of it is capable of moving, working, and doing it's job. When I think of it that way, what can I complain about? Oh, and I look at myself stark naked in front of the mirror every day to remind myself that one, everything looks better without elastic sticking to it, and to also show myself what I really have, as opposed to what I think I have. It sounds bizarre, but it really does help!
Anyway, I will think of some questions. It's just way too early.