if i could go anywhere in the world, it'd be there. i think about it more than i should. i look up pictures online. my heart wants to be there. i went there as a child, and standing on the beach at sunset looking at the rocks shooting up out of the beach covered in a mist, i got a tingling and aching feeling inside. i've never been anywhere like it. i can't wait to go back.
this weekend my mom came to town. for easter we went to a&m church of christ, then had lunch with good friends from there. i'm pretty sure my blood boiled more than once while i was there. i'm glad i went, because i've been needing closure. it was hard to do. but it reinforced to me that it's not at all where i need to be. or ever want to be again. i feel relieved knowing that. it's closed. it's done. it's gone. and i feel great.
i'm seriously not sure how (and if) i'll make it through this summer. this has been the hardest semester. i'm so thankful that i've been able to handle it better. my mood has been up, my productivity has been existant, and overall it's just been the best semester i've had (mood/energy/spirit wise). thank you lord for matching my best semester with nathan's worst (school wise). but this summer, we're making plans for nathan and his dad to fly to florida and watch the shuttle launch on may 14th (they'll be there a few days) then come back and work full time until may 21st when he heads to virginia for 42 days. then he'll come home and go straight back to work full time. and probably start prepping for school. then school starts. i'm jealous of him. i see him meeting goals and fulfilling dreams one by one. there's an end in sight for him. just thinking about it and i get a lump in my throat and a burning in my chest. i'm happy for him, but so jealous. so angry. and i feel like it's just not fair. yes, i'm 4 years old. this summer will be hard. emotionally, physically, financially....but it's coming. all i can do is attempt to prepare.
i'm exhausted. i need a massage. and a bottle (or two) of wine. i feel overwhelmed.
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when you get bored...pack those boys up and come stay with me! we have a huge playground in my back yard. a trampoline. tons of toy cars, swords, soccer balls, movies, wii games, action figures to last a lifetime. and we also have a pool, bedroom for you guys and TONS of wine :-)
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