how can you say that your truth is better than ours?

one of the questions i've been asked recently is this, "the children are too young for atheist views..." this coming from someone who hasn't spent a day in our home with our children seeing how we parent. if that's the case, can i pose this question? are they too young for christian views? easily enough for them, christianity is taught to young children through stories from the old testament (aka really old and worn out fairy tales), so children undoubtedly grasp onto these stories and then tend to fall in line with the rest of them until somewhere around high school. then, they start to ask questions and doubt the validity of this thing, this book, this "god" who has somehow become what their lives have been all about (and what every action, word, and thought should be about..), but whom they have never seen, heard, or felt. noah's ark? really? i'd like to introduce the rickey gervais' version of noah's ark...

he's brilliant.

ok so back to the point of how we're raising our kids. pretty sure you can all guess how i was raised. everything was church, god, fear, jesus, foofoo, or some shit. that's a whole other story. one my therapist knows quite well. mark was raised in an indifferent home. his parents believed in god, but never pushed church on him. my thankfully ex-husband was raised in a christian home, just not quite as stringent as mine. he didn't have a personal preference as to how we raised the kids, either. i was the driving force to go to church the 4 years we were married. plus, given his lack of interest in the bringing up of his children, and the custody order that gives me the full benefit of raising them in whatever religious/non-religious way i like, i march ahead with what i think is best for the kids. mark's late wife believed in god, and attended church from time to time, but felt that it wasn't a necessary thing to participate in weekly. to her, it was more of a supportive and social network of friends. (MOPS groups, etc)

so we meet in the middle. we're raising our kids to be free thinkers.

Freethought is a philosophical viewpoint that holds opinions should be formed on the basis of science, logic, and reason, and should not be influenced by authority, tradition, or other dogmas. thanks wikipedia.

oliver is currently in a mother's day out program at a baptist church, the same one jake went to for 2 years. he comes home with all sorts of biblical coloring pages. our response every time is, "great job coloring oliver!" and when he came home with all his easter memorabilia, and his stories of jesus' resurrection, my response was, "that's what some people believe. other people don't. and it's ok either way!"

we don't go to church, we don't pray, we don't read bible stories at night. we also don't hold seances, devil worship, or dress up in devil suits and chase the kids around with pitchforks. we do, however, expect our children to respect others, tell the truth, honor authority figures, use manners, be humble, and to be grateful for everything they have been afforded in this life. when it comes to issues of the world, such as love, loss, hurt, and unfairness, we teach them reality. love is hard. loss is painful. hurt is a reality. unfairness is everywhere. in that, we teach them to love carefully, process loss, manage hurt, and accept unfairness. we are trying to prepare them for this world. we also show them how amazing life can be. these kids have collectively lost three significant parents in their lives. they'll never forget any of those special people in their lives. we threw them into this crazy, busy, loud family of 7, with our relationship just as young and new as theirs. and guess what?! they're happy. life is fun, sunshine is good, growing up is hard. at the end of the day, though, this is our family. we stand together.

we don't talk religion to the kids, we take an indifferent approach for now. if any of them were to decide to start going to church, we'd be more than happy to take them every sunday. if they are curious about our views, we'll tell them without hesitation. just out of curiosity as to where they all stood in their young little lives, i took a little survey this morning. i asked each one independently and reassured them there was no pressure, no big deal. here's how it turned out.

girl child one (12 ((one week from today anyway)) )

• do you believe in god?
• no
• why?
• i don't know
• what happens when you die?
• you go to heaven. well, only the good people.
• are you nice to others? do you obey adults?
• yes and yes
• why?
• because i know that's the right thing to do

girl child two (9)

• do you believe in god?
• sort of, no. like 80 percent no.
• why?
• because sometimes i wish for stuff and it does happen, but sometimes i wish for stuff and it doesn't happen
• what happens to you when you die?
• you go to heaven
• who decides that?
• the people at the funeral
• are you nice to others? do you listen and obey adults?
• yes, of course
• why?
• because it's the kind thing to do

boy child one (6)

• do you believe in god?
• yes
• why?
• i don't know
• what happens when you die?
• you go to a grave and then to heaven if you're good
• are you nice to others? do you obey adults?
• i try to, i try to
• why?
• because i just want to be a good person and be good

boy child two (6)

• do you believe in god?
• yes
• why?
• because then people wouldn't be made
• what happens to you when you die?
• you get buried
• do you think that after you're buried you go to heaven?
• no, you're just buried and they give you flowers
• are you nice to others? do you obey adults?
• yes, yes
• why?
• i just know what's good and bad

boy child three (4)

• do you believe in god?
• yes
• why?
• because the bible says he's real
• what happens to you when you die?
• you go to heaven
• everyone goes to heaven?
• yes, everyone, even the bad guys
• are you nice to others? do you listen and obey adults?
• yes, yes
• why?
• because i want to be nice to friends so i don't get in trouble

mark (40)

• do you believe in god?
• no
• why?
• i've seen a lot of bad things around the world and on this job, and no one, no "god", would allow some (if not ANY) of those things to happen
• what to you believe happens to you when you die?
• death to me is life before birth, you don't remember or feel anything before birth and that is death
• are you a good person? do you try to do right by people? do you respect authorities? why?
• i am a great person. i fought for this country and its rights to believe or not believe whatever one chooses. i risk my life every third day at work for people i don't even know. it doesn't matter to me what they believe or don't believe, it's not my job to judge them. it's my job to save them, and be there for them in their time of crisis.

me (25)

• do you believe in god?
• nope
• why?
• because the whole "god" thing makes no sense to me
• what happens to you when you die?
• worm food
• are you nice to others? do you respect authorities? do you generally try to do right by people?
• i pay my taxes, i return the carts to the cart spot no matter what, even if it's pouring outside, i put others before myself
• why?
• because i'm not a douche

the first five (our kids) are just to show you that we are not strongly influencing these kids one way or the other. girl one and two sat with me for a bit after asking me questions, which i answered honestly, but it did nothing to sway them either way. (which, of course, would NEVER be my motive) the boys are still too young to really get what i'm asking, or understand what and why they believe/think the things they do. the last two are just to show how strongly opinionated mark and i are, but this is proof that we in fact do not force them to agree with us. for those of you who worry about goat sacrificing and bloody paintings in the dark, i swear to you our family time every evening involves nothing but cuddles on the couch and episodes of american idol and planet earth.