trouble in paradise

i went on a trip to tennessee/florida a few weeks ago (see my regular blog) and it changed my life. i found what i've been so desperately missing and needing. a best friend. i got a taste of life. of what i want my life to be like. of the kind of person i want to be. that little taste changed everything. which confirmed nathan's fears. i'm now determined to make something for myself. it's very hard to sever and leave everybody intact. i'm walking a tightrope. pray i don't fall.