manic

what's it like to be manic every.single.day?!

it's like perfectly scrubbed baseboards
sparkling showers, kitchen, toilets
tens of projects littering the garage
90 mile an hour stories and gibberish
being so anxious i can't sit
feeling antisocial to the point of bailing each time
tears because i'm torn between projects
and so so much more.

is being manic every day better than being severely depressed every day?! i'm still not sure....

gushy

my love,

in the past week i have;

1. spent 5 hours on the biggest love letter of all time in the form of a giant canvas to hang on our wall
2. drug said canvas to the backyard and thrown it over the fence over a stupid wine-induced-emotional-rage
3. thrown a crying fit and left the house in the broken down impala only to sit in a parking lot a block from our house crying for 20 minutes before coming home looking for a hug 

in the past week you have;

1. read the canvas, in it's crazy entirety, the second you and i were alone in our room
2. fished said canvas from behind the back fence, stashed it in the playroom for safe keeping, and accepted me in the morning and my stupid apology
3. opened the door for me with open arms, not allowing me to be such an emotional wreck and ruin our night

i don't care how crazy this makes me sound, because you are the balance to my crazy. you are the rock to my crazy. you somehow deal with me and love me. it will probably take my entire life, but i WILL return it all to you. every ounce of love, every teeth clenching, gut wrenching moment you've endured for me. thank you, my darling, for being my foundation, the only thing familiar to me when i'm lost, the only light i feel when i can't open my eyes, the only life i've ever ever ever wanted. ILYSFUCKINGM.
 
i never thought
that you would be the one to hold my heart
but you came around
and you knocked me off the ground from the start
you put your arms around me and i'm home