birthday boy

the absolute love of my life turns 41 tomorrow. i couldn't be more thankful for his entrance (and survival) in this world. he finally found me, and i him, two years ago tomorrow. if i'd only have known...

i knew it was our last night in florida. i put on my yellow and white plaid sun dress. i had painstakingly straightened my hair, but no amount of heat or product could beat the humidity that night. so i gave up and put it into a pony. i drank wine straight out of the bottle, brown bag and all, just to prove how classy i was. lauren and i had brought papa johns for all the guys, and ate it in the laundry room of the marina. after we ate, we all wandered around the dock, some were on the broken down boat choosing play lists and shooting the shit. some were standing on the dock talking to neighboring vacationers. mark and i found our way to the end of the dock and i wrapped my arm around the post just so i had something to hold onto. it wasn't the wine i needed steadying from, it was the electrifying tension between us.

i blurted out basically my life story...something i rarely do so easily. i delved into the darkest corners and fondest memories. he watched me talk like nobody ever had, he asked questions and i could see how genuine his interest and concern was for me. it was beyond refreshing. he shared his very personal, present day, problems. he was struggling so much with the choice between stability and his happiness, and told me the details of the past three years for him and his kids. we talked for hours. i was absolutely awestruck by this man who looked at me so intensely, who made me feel something so deep; not only emotionally, but physically, who never took his precious green eyes off me.

i finished my wine bottle, then whispered a line from my favorite movie into it, corked it, and threw it over the edge of the dock. the next morning we were parting ways. him back to his life, me back to mine. we never planned or expected to see each other again. as we were driving away, my heart hurt. it physically ached. it was so wrong. he says to him it felt like a dark cloud followed them all the way back, and he had to fight the urge to ask his friend to turn the truck around, to go back. our hearts knew way before we did.

and he hasn't left my mind for a minute since then.

happy birthday, my darling. happy birthday to the man who has picked me up so many times, who has carried, supported, held, and loved me with all he has for the past two years. to the man to whom my heart, soul, and body belong. to the man who melts me. to the man who fathers our children so brilliantly. to the man who will own me as long as i'm breathing.

to you, baby. happy birthday. i love you more than you'll ever comprehend, and more than i'll ever be able to express with my measly words.

"this is the end. the end of life as i know it."

I LOVE YOU